Yesterday was my first day of my work’s 6 months weight-loss competition. We all had to put in $100 dollars and the winner takes it all. We would get weighed once a month. So yesterday I got weighed and I just wanted to shoot myself. I weigh 350 pounds!! How could I let this happen to me. Why did I do this to myself? I just want to scream and beat my own ass for gaining all this weight. I weigh this much and I havent even had kids yet. How could my fiance love such a fat person? I feel disgusted with myself. I had weighed 305 pounds for years and it was hard then to lose weight and now I’m bigger! I weighed 287 when I met my fiance in July 2011 and that was my lowest weight in years because I had got a trainer at the time. Since then I gained 63 pounds. I am supposed to get married this year and I feel nauseated about my family and friends seeing me. I just want to cry my eyes out. I really hate myself right now. I have one year to lose weight and I need motivation to kick in to gear. I need to be stronger but how can I? I feel horrible and its all my fault!